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| Blue Ring Octopus | Box Jellyfish |
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| Funnel Web | Eastern Brown Snake |
AUSTRALIA WELCOMES TOURISTS
| Australians must be heroes Or very stupid folk We live with so much danger It's way beyond a joke We have insects, fish and animals That strike the heart with fear And I'm sure that even Tarzan Would not dream of living here We're bred from English convict stock Transported to this place And I doubt that English judges Knew the dangers that we'd face Still, we get lots of tourists And each one we warmly greet But I think it's fair to warn you Of some dangers you could meet If you get lost in our 'outback' Your hopes are all in vain Our sun will fry you to a crisp We won't see you again If you prefer a cooler climate To our mountains you should go You can wander off a 'snow track' And freeze solid in the snow We've lots of dangerous creatures That prowl throughout our land And though they will eat locals They prefer the 'tourist' brand If a poisonous snake should bite you Cross yourself and say Amen For on the world's most poisonous list We own six of the 'Top Ten' Some claim the inland Taipan Is the world's most poisonous snake And the 'Brown' comes in close second They can make a brave man shake And of our hundred venomous snakes You'll hardly feel a thrill In knowing at least twelve of them Have venom that will kill Considerate snakes stay in the bush But not the deadly 'Brown' He'll wiggle in quite often To see what's on in town A sense of humour is important For there's not much you can do When you're standing right behind one In a Woolworth's shopping queue And some enjoy the theatre You will find that this is true When you find a large one sitting On the seat right next to you These snakes are now 'protected' And I agree it's only right But, when one looks you in the eye Your legs will shake with fright Their venom is so potent That I've often heard it said Just knowing you've been bitten Can kill a man stone dead But these snakes are not aggressive They'll try to get away So if you chance to meet one Please yield your right-of-way We've another little charmer A spider of some note Just the thought of a damn Funnel-Web Can tighten up the throat He'll hide inside your shoes or clothes He's as devious as can be And of the dangerous spiders in the world He ranks at number three And if a Red Back Spider bites you Here's a tip that will not fail Make sure you're only bitten By a Red Back spider male For the female is the toxic one As Australians know quite well Though her bite might not be fatal It can make you sick as hell The Red Back Spider's everywhere And they're not too damn discreet For you'll find then in the 'outback' Neath an outdoor toilet seat And even old man platypus Is not without his sin He has a spur of venom And when molested, sticks it in Though his venom will not kill you It will cripple you with pain So he feels very confident You won't come back again We've other dangerous creatures Prepared to test their might And stupid folk who challenge them Usually lose the fight So perhaps the land is not for you You'd rather chance the sea Well, just paddle at the water's edge And see how safe you'll be If you meet our famed box jellyfish Get measured for your wings You're on your way to heaven When he greets you with his stings If his tentacles embrace you First aid won't be required In approximately three minutes You'll find that you've expired And then we have the stonefish It looks just like a rock But if perchance you step on one You'll get a nasty shock The dorsal spines upon its back Contains such toxic powers You can write your will and testament You have about two hours And we have a blue ring octopus He's just a little chap If he happens to dislike you You could have an endless nap He's no bigger than a golf ball But careful Lab results Prove he carries enough poison To kill twenty six adults If you think you're safer further out I'll just add this remark There's a chance that you'll be welcomed By a monstrous Great White Shark But don't believe our fishermen With their exaggerated tales They claim The Great White's big enough To swallow full-grown whales So you find the land too dangerous And avoid the deadly beach You head for inland waters Where harm is out of reach But he's lazing there just waiting With a great big 'Colgate' smile He'll grab you without warning The Saltwater Crocodile They're not confined to ocean shores These avid, huge, flesh eaters They've been found to venture inland At least one hundred kilometres Just one more word of warning Then I'll cease my raves and rants Be careful you don't nibble On our host of poisonous plants But to visit our great country Should be your prime endeavour And if you're stung or bitten Well, no one lives forever We love to greet all tourists We cheer when you arrive And I'm sure in every ten we get At least one will survive But you can enjoy Australia If you just don't act like fools To help you with your visit Please observe these simple rules If you don't go out at night time Nor any time of day And stay within your hotel room I'm sure you'll be okay I'm so pleased to see you tourists It thrills me through and through For I know these things won't harm me While they're busy chasing you K.D. Abbott © 2007 Please Note: This poem is only an attempt at humour. Australia is no more dangerous than any other country. While the toxicity of the creatures mentioned has not been exaggerated, very few locals or tourists are harmed by them. The Funnel Web spider prefers to live outdoors and is seldom found in shoes or clothing. Needless to say, you will not find the Brown Snake in Woolworth's or the theatre. The Brown Snake has been found in backyards occasionally, but it is extremely shy and given the chance will try to get away from you. As with most of the creatures mentioned, the Brown snake will not attack unless provoked. Australia is a wonderful country blessed with unique animals, magical scenery, and friendly people. Visit us soon!! |
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