GROWING PAINS
| My wife and I were strolling On a chilly, winter day When a little boy who looked so sad Chanced to pass our way My wife said I should talk to him To find out what was wrong For that worried frown upon his face Just did not belong He was a friendly little fellow He even tried to smile When I asked him if he'd mind If I stopped to chat awhile He said he'd be poor company Because he was feeling blue He said he meant to run away But didn't know where he'd run to I asked to share the burden That made him so forlorn He said that he'd had problems Since the first day he was born He told me he was seven And though sometimes life was great He thought that he'd be bankrupt By the time that he turned eight "Every time I cause some mischief Mum makes me pay a fine I've used up all my pocket money I don't have a penny to call mine." "I wouldn't have so many problems And I'd swap all of my toys To change my sisters into brothers They should have both been boys." "I really love my sisters But I don't mind telling you I could maybe cope with one But I just can't handle two." "When I want to watch the T.V. They always beat me to the set They're both older than me And I haven't beat them yet." "I should really have a brother 'Cause it's assistance that I lack Every time I look like beating them One sister holds me back." "They watch such girly programs And they never even care That I like watching Spiderman I reckon it's not fair." "So then I start tormenting them Mum sees me every time And I have to raid my money box To pay another fine." "These fines are making me a criminal They've made me sneaky like a fox Now, when I've run out of pennies I rob my sister's money box." "But, last time my sisters caught me And they put me through pure hell I had to paint their fingernails Or they threatened that they'd tell." "I made a mess with mum's nail polish And if that wasn't bad enough I had to borrow two more pennies When mum caught me with the stuff!" "My allowance isn't big enough It's much too small in size And unless I can become a saint I'll have to get a rise." "And every single morning I have to use the bathroom last I've never beat them to the bathroom Because they can run too fast." "When you have to go, you have to go Sometimes I think I'll burst I'd be able to beat them running If mum and dad had born me first." "I keep begging them to hurry But my begging is in vain So I start banging on the bathroom door Then I get fined again." "And each morning when we go to school We travel on a bus And if I don't sit between them They rant and rave and fuss." "All the other boys sit down the back They tell lots of jokes I miss I have to sit between my sisters And it makes me feel a sis." "I can't even buy my ticket My sisters have to pay Mum won't trust me with my bus fare Since I lost it all one day." "Mum makes me wear short trousers And it makes me feel real bad Because I want to wear long trousers So I'll look just like my dad." "I've kicked the toes out of my new shoes Mum goes mad when they don't last They must make them with real soft stuff The things wear out too fast." "I ate some green plums off our fruit tree And now I've got a tummy ache And I dread that yucky medicine That mum will make me take." "I had mum's electric mixer I was only fooling 'round I squirted it with super glue Now it doesn't make a sound." "Mum slapped me on the backside And it made my backside sore I froze two dead bees in her ice cubes To even up the score." "Parents should realise Young boys are like a playful pup If we always behaved perfect There'd be no need in growing up." "Young boys get into mischief And our parents shouldn't fret They should accept that we're just foolin' round And haven't grown up yet." "I heard my grandma tell some stories Of what my dad did as a kid And I reckon I'd get murdered If I did the things he did." "And my mother's sister, Jenny Said my mum was just the same But when mum got into mischief She'd see Aunt Jenny got the blame." "I think some day I'll make a list How they behaved in their young times Then when they start to scold me I can show them all their crimes." "They don't remember all the troubles They caused in their younger day I reckon its real handy How their memory's gone away." "My troubles just keep piling up My life is so intense I've ripped my brand new school pants Climbing over our front fence." "I feed the garden ants with sugar But as I fed one little bloke I lost my concentration Now mum's sugar bowl is broke." "I was swinging on mum's clothesline But as I jumped off it I tripped And I made a grab for something My sister's uniform is ripped." "Trouble follows me around It seems it never fails I dropped mum's vase and broke it While collecting garden snails." "I was playing cricket with my best friend And I hit a mighty 'four' But it smashed right through the window Of Mrs. Finch who lives next door." "She should have just came to the window But she came outside instead And I'd just hit another beauty And it clocked her on the head." "She's just made an extra problem And I don't know what I'll do She's threatened that she'll kill me And she said she's going to sue." "I don't try to be real stupid But sometimes I really goof When dad finds I bent his golf club He's really gonna hit the roof." "Perhaps my dad would think he bent it But my sister's going to tell So I put honey in her doll's hair And Spaghetti sauce as well." "When my sister tells my mother She's going to have a fit So I thought I'd better sneak out Until mum cools down a bit." "I was never going home again And it's not that I'm afraid But I was going to join the army Or the local fire brigade." "Of course, I'd go back home each evening Because I'd find it just too hard To miss all the games dad plays with me Each day in our back yard." "And if I didn't sleep at home each night There's a thing I'd really dread I would miss my mummy's kisses When she tucks me into bed." "We're the first kids mum and dad have raised And please don't think I'm mean They're really lovely people But as parents they're still green." "My sisters both agree with me And we think we'll finally win Because just like untrained horses Parents just need breaking in." I know how to cool mum's anger Before it even gets to start I pick her a bunch of wildflower They always melt her heart Mum finds it hard to rouse on me While she's wearing a big smile Yep, those wildflower come in handy They really cramp her style And I can easily cool my daddy I'm really good at that I only have to stroke his hair And he starts purring like a cat "I guess I'm kind of lucky I have a real great Mum and dad And I really love my sisters Even though they make me mad." "I have a great big heap of worries Sometimes life gets such a grind And now I can't even run away I've had to change my mind." "I've just remembered that it's Friday And despite how blue I feel We have chicken every Friday And I won't miss our evening meal." "It was great you stopped to talk to me But time is moving on I have to get back home real quick Before the chicken is all gone." K.D. Abbott © 2009 |
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