( With apologies to lady drivers )
| The musical sound of rattling keys And I spring from my doggy bed It's just the tonic I needed To clear a sleepy dog's head I leap in the car with my head held high And I face that terrible curse Why did they have to build all cars With that horrible gear, reverse? With tenderness and loving care She attaches my doggy restraint But she buckles it much too loosely It just hangs from my frame looking quaint I'll close my eyes 'til we're out of the drive I always do it that way But my co-pilot knows what she's doing So I guess we'll be okay Though I'm brave to a fault and my nerves are steel I hate that terrible gear For there's nothing backward about me So reversing always feels queer She puts it in first and away we go And I thrill to the motor's roar With superior glance and a flick of my tail I sneer at the dog next door With a wiggle, a squirm, and a shake of my head My body is once again free No doggy straight jacket can hold me Houdini had nothing on me The windows only wound down half way But I can't enjoy the ride Til I've used my nose to paint the glass With smear marks from side to side With a practiced action I shake my coat And cover the seat with hair So the next one that rides in the back of this car Will know that I've been there My heads out the window, my ears are flat My bright eyes twinkle with glee My face is a mask of excitement What a wonderful sight I must be My co-pilot tries to pacify me 'Cause I've yelped at each car we've met But a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do And I've heaps of barking left yet I scare the daylights out of a cat I damn near scare it stiff I'll be able to boast for at least a week When I tell my best friend Griff We fly past a dawdling timber truck It carries a heavy load He might have the strength, but I've got the pace Cause I'm 'Niki' ... The king of the road I bark at anything holding us back For I'm from the modern age Though patience might be a virtue I'm the dog who invented road rage I don't like stopping at traffic lights There should be no red ... just green And I notice my co-pilot steps on the gas At the amber light between Backward and forward along the seat I scamper with anxious strides I don't want to miss any action It's important to watch both sides We cruise to a halt at the traffic lights And I've seen strong men undone When my lady blasts off from a standing start Like she's driving a formula one She angles the car when she's changing lanes Where there isn't any space But men move over to let her in When they see that look on her face An angry motorist shakes his fist And he has a lot to say But I don't know why he's complaining Cause most women drive that way She gives him a glare that stops him dead And it fills my heart with cheer I hurriedly scamper across the seat And give her a slurp up the ear Cantankerous drivers always give way She easily calls their bluff She pretends to look into the mirror While putting on lipstick and stuff Soon we're out in the country And I sniff at the clean, fresh breeze I gaze in anticipation At all of those unmarked trees She eases the car to a standstill And out of the back seat I hop I carefully select the tree of my choice Even dogs have to have a pit stop I've only claimed a dozen trees When it starts to sprinkle with rain That wet stuff is only for drinking So it's back in the car again We drive back home in the misting rain When she opens the car door I'm set I dash inside through the doggy door This hound doesn't like getting wet I leave mud tracks on the carpet The cutest paw prints you've seen I not only know where I'm going I like to see where I've been I paint the walls with a watery spray As I shake myself bone dry I have no need for towels and stuff What a clever puppy am I My mistress discovers the splattered walls And she wears an ominous frown But her angry words don't bother me 'Cause I know she'll soon calm down She often pretends to get angry When I'm bored and have nothing to do And I wander into her bedroom To munch on a slipper or two She starts to laugh as she dries the walls Her humour's invaded her mind And she knows that I am a treasure Of the very most lovable kind I have to rest up for tomorrow I've some holes in her garden to dig She covered the little ones in too fast So this time they're gonna be big And I've other urgent things to do Like chasing next door's cat And there's bones to bury and boundaries to mark And important stuff like that I snuggle back into my doggy bed Her offer of snacks I refuse Perhaps I'll have time to eat later But right now it's time for a snooze K.D. Abbott © 2008 |
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